Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Sleeping Single in a Double Bed

Very recently I have been asked repeatedly "Why are you Single?".  Why am I single?  Its not an easy question to answer nor should it be.  I pull my shirt to smell my pits for untimely scents.  I check my nose for shipwrecks or old bats.  I even practice not having a "tone" when I compliment someone or react to a compliment given to me by someone else.  Its funny, really.  Is being single a curse or a blessing?  And, why are people constantly in pity of your relationship status.  I'll tell you how I see and feel it.  Sleeping single in a double bed definitely has its perks which many a married couple or simply a dating couple would envy.  There is always the room to stretch and the peace of a snore-less night.  Also, whats better than getting in and out of bed from both sides as often as you want without reference to any excusable exit plan.  More so, getting up in the middle of the night because you have to make cookies because you can, or cuing up the television with you favorite late night news show without having to tap the mute button or hand mix as not to be "too loud" using electric mixers is a liberating and satisfying moment you can call all your own.
Honestly, I don't sit and ponder why I am single or choose to be single.  After all, I have dated off and on since I was 18, some good, some bad, some ugly, some sane.  Its always after my dating status changes from "attached" to "unattached" that I reflect and, frankly, revel in the organic nature of going it alone.  Selfishly, I don't have to include anyone in my daily plans.  I can come and go as I please.  Spend what I want on what I don't need.  Cook without worrying about food aversions or allergies or diets.  If I forget to flush the toilet, oops, I forget to flush the toilet (shit, that reminds me!).  Single is the most unforced natural status that I can think of today.  Dating, is a force of many things society wants of you.  Right? Well, maybe.  To date is to reposition yourself from sleep to wake to routine to relaxing.   Being single only means I am responsible for me, just me, no one but me.
Being single, I believe, helps someone grow more into who they are with a better understanding of who they are and for what they are capable and what your limits are.  I have always said; people shouldn't get married until their late 30's or 40's because they need to become who they ultimately can be without distraction. Being single isn't a bad or sad thing.  No worries friends and family, I'm okay and really am enjoying my time with myself (wink, wink).  With my boundaries set and my heart open, I am a better person to date.
I was recently asked what the perfect guy would be for me, to date or marry.  I have now processed it a bit more since the question came up a few days ago and my answer goes something like this:   My perfect match would have my back and likewise.  My perfect match would be his authentic self; an independent, driven spirit who at the end of the day will find me, notice me and acknowledge me. Honestly, my perfect match would be much like myself.  I figure if I hold those standards high to my own self, then a likewise person would be my long term partner.  I am not looking for a carbon copy, don't get me wrong, that would be creepy.  The best for me is only as deep as the best I can offer back.
So, I will continue, for now, to enjoy my nights of peaceful slumber in my bed with an occasional need to bake a batch of cookies or watch the news at 2am or fly off to somewhere for the weekend or to just sit with myself.