Sunday, September 15, 2013

Reason, Season...Lifetime

Reason, Season....Lifetime

Recently, someone came back into my life to teach, without knowing he was teaching,  me some valuable lessons on life, relationships, vulnerability, connection and self.   I had asked him why after such a long lull in our communication why he decided to come back and reconnect with me.  He hadn't given me a straight answer. I thought it was because he was bored, that maybe true, but I'd also like to think that it was because, for me, I needed to define more of who I am and what I want.  I guess I needed to be reminded that  people come in and out of our lives  for a greater purpose.  Either we choose to embrace them or ignore them.  I choose to embrace them as it makes me feel fuller and stronger and smarter, wiser and more courageous.  If no one ever said "hello" we'd never know "good-bye" and we'd miss out on so many moments that life gives and takes from us so quickly.  In the past, I would have chosen to be angry and tired and bothered by the time wasted on people who pop into my life selfishly or without content.  But, as I have trudged through the deep mud of life and climbed mountains in order to see the sunrise from the summit, I have come into my own knowing better who I am, what I'm capable of and less afraid of the "good-bye" and looking forward to more "hellos".   In order to clearly know oneself, we have to dig deep...its scary.  But, at the same time, it can be freeing.  And with that freedom, we are more likely able in a full capacity to give our authentic self to those who deserve it.  Those people who are with us for a lifetime are most deserving of our vulnerability and authenticity.  In the meantime, we can give pieces of ourselves to those who come to us either for a season or a reason.   I love the words of the poet John Herrera; "you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and sharing a life....each step taken in a new direction creates a path towards the promise of a brighter dawn...with every goodbye, you learn".  Its not headline news that we all want to connect and belong to each other.  But, what I think is most powerful and fulfilling is when we do connect and feel  a big sense of belonging, we are our TRUE SELF.  And, knowing that, we can be peaceful inside ourselves and safe from not only the world, but safe from ourselves.  A dear friend has always expressed that people come into our lives for a Reason, Season and Lifetime.  I have found this poem that expresses that eloquently.  Enjoy. 

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty; 
to provide you with guidance and support; 
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. 
They may seem like a godsend, and they are. 
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, 
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. 
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. 
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. 
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. 
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. 
They may teach you something you have never done. 
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. 
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; 
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. 
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, 
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. 
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— A poem by Brian Andrew "Drew" Chalker

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Past, Out!

As this year comes to an end I could simply sit and reflect on all that it had offered and taken away from me.  In fact, I could lament about the things I did wrong or should have done differently or how I didn't fully capture those fleeting moments I so respect to hold in my hands and heart.  I could also rejoice in what 2011 gave to me and  how I took hold of what was important and let go of the toxicity of life.   But instead of being redundant and overly reflective, I choose to take this past and throw it out.   Seems a bit volatile and perhaps unappreciative, but its what we need to do, more often than annually, to refresh ourselves and grow into being our best.   A year of twists and turns, ups and downs, whirlpools of emotion and global chaos has reminded me of the importance of learning, growing, listening and hearing.  

I will, however, share in what this year has brought to me: not things, but rather, energy.   I began 2011 with focus and control in my personal, public and work lives.  I knew if I just stayed in control and focused on the bigger pictures, the year would bring to me only what I could handle and manage without the noise. Truly, once committed to that perspective, the universe opened itself to me and I tangibly embraced each day as if it were the first day of the rest of my life.  Work got smoother, I personally grew more balanced and publicly, I was willing to show myself to the people and places I would normally resist.  Each night when I was ready to lay my head down for rest, I breathed easier with a sense of accomplishment.  I awoke with a world to conquer, me against it, but it wasn't daunting.  It was exhilarating.  Day by day, step by step, the universe offered me opportunities both great and small.   If we talk about the year as being divided into quarters, the first 2 quarters were brilliant and I thank them.   

3rd quarter!! I lost my focus and my balance.  I stopped capturing the right moments and became distracted by the wrong ones.  It only took a single distraction to throw off my balance and  momentum.  That single moment, again, which was wrongfully accepted into my world, took me on a ride for which I didn't wear my seat belt, thus, it was dangerous and empty.  I, on the other hand, tried all I knew to keep it in check.  It wasn't right, it didn't work, I lost my never should have happened.  But it did happen and as I began my last and final quarter of the year, I have come to let it pass as a brief experience and test of truth, ability, reaction, caution and endurance.   We all have things we so want to be better at and we all have things that keep us from actually being better.  But, we let those things happen to us, often times unconsciously.    We as people have the obligation to be our authentic self at all times both to ourselves and to others.  If we continue to be something we aren't or pose for the attention we crave, then we don't move forward.  We simply stay stationary with disrespect to yourself.  Time moves fast.  Why get tired out by not being truthful with yourself and others.  

So, as the 4th quarter began, so did  my new enlightened spirit.  Yes, there are those out there who will always be selfish and destructive.  Yes, everyday will not be our best days, but we still get out of bed each day to conquer the next day with the same guts.  I have come to realize that people may come into our lives to distract and interrupt us for their own benefit.  Others will come into our lives to capture the good energy we put forth and there are those who will come into our lives to enhance us and make us our best, or, at then very least, our better.   To love ourselves prevents us from harboring trickery towards others.    To be loved and knowing it stops us from hating.  I end the year on the same note for which it started for me.  For that, I am grateful.  I remain as knowing and capturing the moments as they come to me day by day.  I choose to take the past as let it remain in its archive.  A very good friend told me to not look into the past for answers but rather live in the day and look towards the future where I will find my answers, my peace.   He is right, thus... Past, OUT!!  Good bye to the past, hello to the present and I look forward to you, my future.  

Happy Holidays to all of you and thank you for reading my blogs this past year.  There are big things happening in 2012, not only for me, but for my friends I have now and the new ones I look forward to meeting.  


Thursday, November 3, 2011

Show and Tell

I remember a time, in kindergarten, when once a week we were asked to bring something meaningful to us from home and stand in front of the class for a Show and Tell.   I brought such things as: my dog, homemade mittens that Helen, our babysitter made for me, leafs from the backyard, a birds nest from the neighbors tree, potatoes from the garden and, if I remember right, a new spring jacket with the school logo on it.   I loved Show and Tell.   I loved seeing the "stuff" my classmates would bring to class and ogle at each and every possession.  I remember Tom brought a Robin's egg!!! Cool, huh!! 

Why was show and tell so important when we were kids and why did the teachers promoted it on a weekly basis for an entire school year?  Recently, I realized the reason, perhaps. 

Every day and every year of our lives, as we trudge through our mazes, over hills, through dense fog, under water and around the obstacles, we are constantly "Showing and Telling".  But in a form of not just our "things", but also who we are as ourselves.  Showing the world who we are and Telling our stories.  At a job interview or client campaign, we Show our talents and Tell of our experience.  We Show potential friends and lovers who we are by our actions and Tell them what we are with our words describing who we are inside.  We gain wealth and Show off our purchases and we live with what we have modestly and Tell people how it works for us.  Sometimes we get angry and Show ourselves as vulnerable and sometimes we are filled with joy and Tell others how elated we are.   Everyone likes to Show off their talents, even if done so without fanfare, and everyone likes to Tell the stories of their journey through this complicated world, again, without fanfare.  You see, every one of us, no matter where you are in your life, where you're going in your life or where you have been in your life, we all just want to be seen and heard.  All of us, as we walk around each day bumping into each other, both figuratively and literally, just want to Show and Tell, right?  

It is our responsibility to listen to each other and see what is in front of us.  In that time, we have the option of walking away or standing by one another.  When we are shown from someone who they are, observe.  When we are told by someone who they are, listen.  Not all Show and Tell is positive, not all Show and Tell is negative, not all Show and Tell is obvious, but we need to see it and hear it.  When I walk out the door each day, I am ready for Show and Tell.   Some days, of course, I'd rather keep to myself and stay observant rather than exposed.  But most days, I want to be seen and heard as the person I have grown to be open to all the new challenges and people that come my way.   We forget to stop and look and listen so often in life.  I'm as guilty of that as everyone else.  In those times, there are moments that are fleeting that we never are able to capture.  Many great moments have been lost because I haven't taken a breathe and realized what is standing in front of me or running past me.   My favorite moments and lasting impressions have come from stopping to listen and see.  Good and bad, beautiful and ugly..they have been grand moments.  Even when someone thinks they are in control of themselves on every level as not to expose their fears, triumphs, goals and emotions, they still Show and Tell of themselves.  Just see them and hear them.  Its all there.  

As adults, we compress ourselves into hiding behind our faults and vulnerabilities.  We don't Show and Tell fully until we trust fully.   This is most evident with personal relationships. We are also busy which compromises our ability to stop and look and listen completely.  However, we also show our emotions and feelings as we trip through life.  But who is paying attention?  We are up, we are down, we are sideways with life.  Our past provides us with the nutrients to grow into our more authentic self.   If we dismiss our inner feelings and ignore our guts telling, we will miss out on the truth of existence.   If we could all go back to our childhood when Showing and Telling was safe, we could all be more of who we are to everyone who is willing to embrace us.   Life offers us many cross roads and mountains.   But there is never a "No Trespassing" sign at the beginning of the road or the base of the mountain.  We can walk the paths, we can climb the slope or we can just stay stationary and "hope" for the best.  Why not get to the finish line and Show and Tell of ourselves!  Stand on the mountain top and shout.   Someone will listen even if our voice is just a whisper.  And, if you listen and see others for who they truly are, you, in turn, will feel safe in your own Show and Tell.  

I have recently felt as though I have had a Show and Tell of my own where I had given it my all.  I believe I was heard, yet maybe misunderstood.  I was up, down, sideways and inside out.  Yet, I was truthful.  The feeling of revealing your whispers is not an easy expression, yet, if you are true to who you are, what you are, what you want to become, then it doesn't matter what the consequence.  What matters is that you were able to Show and Tell as your authentic self.  For that, you should be proud and unapologetic.   It takes experience and time to understand your own self and more time to understand your often times confusing feelings.  But when you do, life gets easier.  People become more understood.  As children we didn't know from hiding our inner self.   As adults, we know better.   What if we could capture that child's perspective and let it all out?  I think we would be better people to one another.   I will continue to Show and Tell the birds nest of who I am.  For it is that birds nest that twines together everything I am today.  

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

by chance

"Life throws us curve balls", we've all heard this over and over again.  We have the opportunity to hit that ball out of the park or miss it and wait for the next throw.   Not always, however, do we realize the outcome of each throw or the complexity of the homerun.

Recently, I was thrown a curve ball.  In fact, it came at me from a virtual place when neither I was expecting it nor waiting for it.   Either way, it caught me off guard.  Now, don't get me wrong, it was a great throw.  And, in fact, it was a possible home run once I realized it was the perfect pitch.  It headed towards me straight over the plate with precise aim and candid spin. It was honest and with good intent and without looking, eyes shut and heart open, I was ready for it although unexpectedly.  Funny isn't it?  When that curve ball is coming at you at full speed you seem to be able to verify its worthiness and plan your response.  In my case, I hit that ball so hard there was no way I was going to strike out.  I knew it was worth the swing and planned for it hit into the the moon.   As the ball was flying upward I concentrated, intently to make it to the first base, the second base, the third base and, finally, home plate. I've been running towards the score without caution or perspective.  All I've wanted was this score for which I always new I'd get, I just didn't know when...this was my opportunity.  Is it so much the score? Or, rather, the journey of the ball as it scraped past trees and buildings into the sky.  Lets face it, the ball eventually has to land falling with speed out of its thrust into the great unknown.  When it lands, then what?  Does it roll under a bush to hide? Does it land in the hands of another unsuspecting person? Or does it simply plunk down and take a deep breathe and realize its journey was purposeful and exhilarating?  As I caught my breathe after running the bases I too realized I didn't look back into the sky to watch that lonely ball venture to its new land.  Should I have concentrated more on the journey of the ball and its purpose or should I have done what I did and kept running towards the outcome?  There is no answer.

Once settled down, heart beat calming and adrenaline subsiding, I caught my breathe and realized that I had done something I had never done before now.  I hit a curve ball with the intent to make it a home run without deciding whether or not it was the perfect swing.  It felt safe, it felt good and it felt right.   I am confident in the fact that no matter what comes my way I can close my eyes and swing.  Fortunately this curve ball was a positive pitch.   It has not only given me such confidence, but also insight into myself as what is possible and what I am able to accomplish if I just believe in the process.   This curve ball is a person for which I write.   People are obviously more complex than baseballs, but the principle remains; Do we avoid the curve ball? Do we take a  swing? Or, do we simply not step up to the plate to take the chance at the home run?  I took the swing!! And, it more than likely one of the best swings I  have ever taken, curve ball or not.  If ignored, if I chose to sit this one out, I would have missed the opportunity to meet someone new.  I would have missed the chance to grow outward and I would have missed the advance of who I am and what I am capable of in this lifetime.  

To be able to open your mind and heart to newness and to be able to accept the everything that another person has to offer, is truly the best experience one can ever have.   There is no "what ifs" or "I should haves".  Simply, its important to step up, take a swing, connecting with the "ball" and hitting that home run.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Hugs,Kisses and Rhubarb

We all know that, among other things,  hugs are for greetings and kisses aren't contracts and rhubarb is sour.  However, during the act of contact, puckering or eating, we aren't conscious of these simple, yet profound facts.  Have you ever been hugged so hard it no longer feels like a gesture of comfort?  Have you ever kissed someone when the two of you have very different intentions?  Have you ever hoped when you bit into a rhubarb stalk that it was going to be the season of the sweet rhubarb?  Bet you have.  

All of these simple acts can take many different forms whether it be feelings or pride or cravings.  But, when does it all sync to make for a perfect connection?  I'm sure there have was a time or two when you had a date and that awkward moment came when it was time to say good-bye.  You know the moment.  Its when you are both headed for that "seal the deal" moment and, what seems like slow motion, arms open and mouths relax.  But, only one of you may have a bigger goal upon contact.  As one mouth is relaxing, the other person's mouth is dropped and slighting, squinting open.  Here comes the open arms towards the entrance into your "my space bubble".  You go for the kiss and he goes for the hug.  Awkward!! What happens, usually is that you end up kissing ear cartilage or a shoulder.  Ever so slighting brushing your wagging tongue across his neck as it lands on a wooly sweater.  In a state of minor shock, you hope he didn't notice your wet tongue slurping in seizure across his cheek and ear and hair line.  You act as if its a new way of showing affection without signing a contract.  You convince yourself it shows your interest without actually giving it all up so early on in your relationship.  Its called manners, of course.  You at this point look at him as though he should know its what everyone is doing now....a sign of the times.  

There are those times when a hug lingers a bit too long.  Its that hug you think is only a hug, a short greeting or good-bye.  But, when it lingers, you suddenly feel trapped.  Nothing more awkward than this feeling.  As you are being bear hugged thinking you are about to be released and knowing that you have been hugging for the better part of your life so you have the timing and synchronicity,the hug doesn't stop but you have already released only to be dangling within his hug as it goes on and on and on.  So, like any well mannered huggie, you go back into position as though nothing ever happened.  Again, you convince yourself that he never felt the release and re-hug.  It is never spoke of much like a family secret.  No one ever says: "hey, did you just release the hug prematurely?"  You know the feeling.  So, the next time you are with that person, your head is in the right place, thank god.  Lesson learned, right?  So, every hug thereafter with that particular person, you are prepared.  A little less sincere, nonetheless, prepared. 

You know rhubarb doesn't have a miracle sweet season.  Its always sour.  Yes, it can be more sour as the season progress', but never sweet than you've ever had before.  What do we do about this awkward sour shock?  We sugar it down.  We add sugar, sugar and more sugar to change the sting of that sour bite.  Yet, no matter how  much sugar we add, we still get that sour characteristic of the rhubarb.  First sweet, relaxed tongue  flavorful tenderness, then BAM!! the pinch of sour hitting the entire tongue.  There is no way to change it, but yet we try.  Which brings me to the point of "sugar coating".  I guess this is where the coined phrase came from, maybe?  I would say more than likely. The same goes for people.  Once mean, always mean...once sour, always sour.  A friend told me recently that who you are today becomes more pronounced with age. Which means, of course, if you're sour and bitter now, when you're 80 yrs old, no sugar is going to soften your blow.  Basically, you just become an 80 year old stalk of rhubarb.  No thanks! 

Without sugar coating this:
Hugs are not forever
Kisses aren't contracts
Rhubarb will never be sweet

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I have a Question

Recently I have been bombarded with questions.  Questions regarding my personal life, my business life, my private life and my future life.  Questions that are quirky and questions that are meant to be thought provoking and poignant.  Some questions are just because, some are to be nosie, some are out of the box and some are funny as hell.   So, I thought I would compile a few and broadcast them in this blog for all of you who wondered to ask the same or related questions.  Now, I pride myself in being somewhat private and at the same time an open book once provoked.  In doing either, I have put my foot in my mouth, offended, confused, enlightened and challenged those of you who have asked the question or listened to my banter.  So, here I go:

Questions and Answers: 

1. Why are you so critical of weddings? Meaning, the decor, the bride, the process?  (if this is the starter question to the interview, there is no way but down)
     A:  Because 95% of weddings all look the same, not including the weddings I have decorated or been a part of, clearly.  Bride's often buy bad dresses, copy magazine "looks", hire dated planners, serve horrible food and melt down.  The best weddings I have done are those composed of character, style, uniqueness and void of planners (you know, those who interfere in what is right because they want a commission check from vendors so they would rather book what they know rather than help to create what can be).   Frankly, all brides and their grooms should elope. 

2.  Are you often misread or misunderstood? (I don't understand)
     A:  I often don't care about either. 

3.  What inspires you? (ba-oring question)
     A: Truth.  Whether it be an artist who expresses his or her self without boundaries or the rawness of a confession from an friend or foe.  I love the underdogs in this world.  I am inspired by ambition and drive.  I am inspired by scenes; like the feeling of an McQueen or Dries Van Noten runway show.   Its funny, however, everyday nature doesn't inspire me, maybe because I take it for granted or it becomes ordinary.  Perhaps that's why I love the desert.  It seems dead and endless which equals quietness and calm.  I am inspired by color in waves of flowers and texture, but I seem to always lean towards dark flowers and interiors.  

4.  Why are you single? (if the interviewer has a brother who is a doctor, the answer to this question could become very skewed)
    A: This I am asked, lately, all the time and its so frustrating as if to ask why am I tall or blue eyed.  So, I have finally found an answer to this question and it goes something like this: At this time I do not wish to bring anyone into the life I am living at the moment.  I find peace in being single. 

5.  What motivates you to get out of bed in the morning? ( I always think this is a dumb question)
    A: My body wakes up.  I get out of bed.  I get on with my day. That's life. 

6.  Are you always controlling? A perfectionist? (as I looked up to notice a dangling, dead branch in the tree outside my office window and was momentarily distracted)
    A: Can you sit to my right please?

7.  What makes you laugh? (I wanted to say to the interviewer that her lisp is making me laugh, but..)
    A:  Real life, real people.  I am horrible at jokes, therefore, I never find them funny.  I like when someone's exaggerated expression creates a mockery of another person. Hmm, I guess making fun of other people makes me laugh.  Yep, I'll go with that.   

8.  Do you play well with others?  (what does "play" mean, I wonder, hmmmm)
    A:  If others play well with me I do.  Listen, I like "playing" with people who work hard and work smart.  I like having a common goal or interest.  I hate micromanaging tasks that are common sense/street smarts.  Yes, I expect people to read my mind most of the time. Realistically, that never happens, so I rely on those I am "playing" with to have the obvious common sense or integrity to play fairly without stopping the game.   And, it depends on who I am "playing" with, of course.

9.   Pet peeves? (this question for starters is a pet peeve)
    A:  Many, but mostly, liars.  Oh! And cab drivers when I am not in the cab and semi trucks on residential streets and honkers and loud talking and bad questions....AND ignorance, racism, parades and waiting for a table at a restaurant even though I had a reservation.

10.  What makes you cry?  (I wanted to say "Everything", so I did)
    A:  Everything. I can cry at a drop of a hat.  Again, its real life, and most often its the sweetest things that make me cry the hardest.  Not because they make me sad, rather they make me feel so good inside that it provokes tears or all out bauling.

11. What is your biggest frustration? (tricky, tricky question..where do I begin, hmm)
   A.  Lately, my biggest frustration has been with people who lack integrity, individuality and respect.  Also, people who feel entitled.  I have been dealing with an ex-employee who decided to be just like me and use what I have built as his own platform for "success".  It is incredibly frustrating seeing such lack of confidence in people who could otherwise be unique and awesome if they just tried a little harder.  

12.  Do you trust people too much?  (grrrrrrrrrrr)
   A. Yes, well, I used to be very trusting.  I have come to learn that people are generally good, but watch your back.  For instance, I like to give.  I like to help.  I respect others, differences and all.  But, when that respect is mistreated or misused, I no longer trust.  Lets face it. How much can a person give without receiving before the connection is disconnected?  I trust those who share the same respect I have for them as they have for me.  

13..  What's your next chapter? (as if I have completed all other chapters, this question made me feel old)
   A: I have yet to get through and conquer this chapter.  Who knows!! That's why its so great to be present in what I am and what I am doing now. 

14. Do you ever slow down?
  A. Yes, a couple times each day.  My mind doesn't rest, ever, thank god. 

These questions are the tops as they are asked me over and over and over again by friends, family, clients, editors, interviewers, etc.  Some, if find boring to both ask and to answer.  If I were an interviewer I would ask the hard questions like:  When did you first have sex? and When was the last time you faked a good time in front of a host/hostess?  I want the grit.  I like to know the details and could care less about the outcome.  Much like watching a trial, I like to know all the parts of the crime not just what happens at the end.  I like questions that mean something and get to the root.  I have found that people ask the same questions because its easy.  I question myself often.  It's those questions I ask myself that are always the hardest ones to answer and often, when able to answer them, I change my mind anyway.  However, those questions to myself that challenge me go unanswered or take much longer to answer.  Questions! They are the premise of our lives. 
Got a really good question for me?  Shoot it over and I might answer it.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Sleeping Single in a Double Bed

Very recently I have been asked repeatedly "Why are you Single?".  Why am I single?  Its not an easy question to answer nor should it be.  I pull my shirt to smell my pits for untimely scents.  I check my nose for shipwrecks or old bats.  I even practice not having a "tone" when I compliment someone or react to a compliment given to me by someone else.  Its funny, really.  Is being single a curse or a blessing?  And, why are people constantly in pity of your relationship status.  I'll tell you how I see and feel it.  Sleeping single in a double bed definitely has its perks which many a married couple or simply a dating couple would envy.  There is always the room to stretch and the peace of a snore-less night.  Also, whats better than getting in and out of bed from both sides as often as you want without reference to any excusable exit plan.  More so, getting up in the middle of the night because you have to make cookies because you can, or cuing up the television with you favorite late night news show without having to tap the mute button or hand mix as not to be "too loud" using electric mixers is a liberating and satisfying moment you can call all your own.
Honestly, I don't sit and ponder why I am single or choose to be single.  After all, I have dated off and on since I was 18, some good, some bad, some ugly, some sane.  Its always after my dating status changes from "attached" to "unattached" that I reflect and, frankly, revel in the organic nature of going it alone.  Selfishly, I don't have to include anyone in my daily plans.  I can come and go as I please.  Spend what I want on what I don't need.  Cook without worrying about food aversions or allergies or diets.  If I forget to flush the toilet, oops, I forget to flush the toilet (shit, that reminds me!).  Single is the most unforced natural status that I can think of today.  Dating, is a force of many things society wants of you.  Right? Well, maybe.  To date is to reposition yourself from sleep to wake to routine to relaxing.   Being single only means I am responsible for me, just me, no one but me.
Being single, I believe, helps someone grow more into who they are with a better understanding of who they are and for what they are capable and what your limits are.  I have always said; people shouldn't get married until their late 30's or 40's because they need to become who they ultimately can be without distraction. Being single isn't a bad or sad thing.  No worries friends and family, I'm okay and really am enjoying my time with myself (wink, wink).  With my boundaries set and my heart open, I am a better person to date.
I was recently asked what the perfect guy would be for me, to date or marry.  I have now processed it a bit more since the question came up a few days ago and my answer goes something like this:   My perfect match would have my back and likewise.  My perfect match would be his authentic self; an independent, driven spirit who at the end of the day will find me, notice me and acknowledge me. Honestly, my perfect match would be much like myself.  I figure if I hold those standards high to my own self, then a likewise person would be my long term partner.  I am not looking for a carbon copy, don't get me wrong, that would be creepy.  The best for me is only as deep as the best I can offer back.
So, I will continue, for now, to enjoy my nights of peaceful slumber in my bed with an occasional need to bake a batch of cookies or watch the news at 2am or fly off to somewhere for the weekend or to just sit with myself.